Pity, that my sister is dating my ex husband will not go
Posted in Dating
Enjoying your new role as teacher?! I know you can get together even as blood cousins, which is strange. But shes my sister, my sons aunt. Yet I try and get anyone to think about it. Sent from my iPhone using Netmums mobile app. It gets harder, I use to live in the same road as my parents, we never got invited down for dinner - the excuse I had more mouths to feed, my sister is always there every weekend I agree with this.
My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. My mom is raising my 3 oldest children. They all hate me, wont talk to me. Anyways I have never been able to rely on my mom to ever go back home. I was thrown out at 18 and thats fine. I havent went to my daughters bday parties that my ex and my mom throw together because my ex hates me.
Well recently he got a girlfriend and they have nowhere to go. So my mom has a really really nice house and shes letting them live there with her 4 kids because they were homeless. And I personally have no problem whatsoever with him or his girl. Hes a great dad and a great person. But I feel this is wrong and shes doing it all on purpose to be hateful to me.
I am so sorry for what you have gone through. That is very hurtful. I too have had horrible family that scenerio you describe is similar to mine. I will continue to keep peace with him for the kids, but. That is a form of abuse. You may feel like your going crazy, but you are not crazy. The hardest part to accept is that they only care for themselves.
I Completely understand this situation. I am still going through the nightmare, my family never stuck up for me and my oldest Adult son believes so religiously I am a liar and I cheated first, and I m too blame. Listen, when an ex has to bully your kids to hate you, and others to hate you under the guise of I was apart of your family, wont divorce you and hurt or maniplulates Everyone around even through your adult children, ITS SICK!!
Exs who cant exit your life and stop unhealthy ways to make sure their Believed are SICK Period, and you have the right to protect your kids from them if they are against YOU period.
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences! I was starting to think I was the only one going through this maddening circumstance. After 6 years of being all but disowned, my family started to warm back up to me a little, all the while cherishing him, which put our kids in a weird position. Now another 6 years has gone by. I asked him and my family from the beginning to please give it a bit of distance but my parents chose him over me at that point.
Oh well. He is definitely suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sadly, this helps. Ive been suffering in silence because I had no idea anyone was in my shoes.
He just left the kids and I. My family has fed him. Let him sleep in my brothers house. I dont have the time to go into details its too much. I never asked that my family hate him, just support me and create boundaries so that the comfort level be established. Bottom line. Until it happens to individuals personally they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives with.
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This has affected my entire life. I have no peace. I feel all alone. It seams to me that this must happen more when the women initiates the divorce.
I just blocked my sister on Instagram because she post pictures of my ex and her family hanging out! I feel this is all ridiculous, if my sisters where in the same boat, I would side with them.
I feel for you. I have lived with a similar situation for several years now. I totally understand where you are coming from! A year and a half ago I split up with my partner as did my year-old daughter from hers. My older sister who I was close too and supported lots really encouraged me to leave him as he was so controlling!
When I finally got the courage to do it and was made homeless and had to go to a hostel with my children. I never even had one phone call or message from any of my family, even after asking if any of them could have the boys for any time! Instead they decided to stick by my ex, even giving him a three piece suite knowing I had nothing!
They have parties not including us or my daughter but invite both our exes, had Christmas last year, our first ever apart, with my ex! Really sad, but no choice. I have been divorced for 7 years and bad custody battle as well. I think this is so not normal behavior and sadly am seeing here, I am not alone! Especially when I found out my ex bought one of them a house!! Unfortunately you realize no one has integrity.
I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Robinsonbuckler y ah oo.
FOOD & DRINK
As best I tried I could no longer see them as good people, nor could I see the world as a good place. I agree with you. Went through a similar thing with my family. My family knew how bad my ex treated me and yet still praise him, making me feel betrayed.
My sister most of all is the worse. I am totally going through the same thing and it is completely nuts!
I was married to my ex husband for 14 years when I found out he was having an affair with his secretary. We went to counciling and eventually found out he had other affairs during our marriage and after trying to work it out for a year, he was still continuing to be unfaithful.
I am not a prude and was not denying him, it is that he has some major problems. We have now been divorced for 10 years and I am remarried and my ex has made a point to visit and contact my parents. He visits my mom and takes her backyard and calls her if he has a crisis. It is very weird! He has texted my dad telling him thanks for being there for him in the past and he still considers him a dad.
She even arranged a carpool with him and my sister to go to work everyday. They know what he did in our marriage and they are friends with him.
Sister is dating my soon to be ex husband. This is the place to chat about your relationships with your in-laws, parents and other relatives, and get support from others who understand whatever it is you're going through. Aug 19, The same thing has happened to me and it hurts like hell! My two teen children can't understand why my sister's husband and my ex still communicate after knowing the hell my ex put us through. The ex has lied and charmed our former friends and my only sister's husband into believing him. It makes sense that it can be tempting to fall back into a relationship with your ex-husband. After all, something drew you to him in the first place and in addition now you have memories, history and possibly children together. Dating your ex can be a positive thing or a nightmare.
I got custodial custody of our 2 children and he had every other weekend and now they are both over 18 and they are pulling this ridiculous behavior of thinking he is such a wonderful guy.
His family NEVER once reached out to me and when we were getting a divorce I was a stay at home mom with two little kids with one of them being severely handicapped. My mom knows that he has dated women after the divorce and cheated on them too and was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. While my husband and I were away for a rare couples weekend and he had our girls, my ex got into a car wreck at am after leaving them alone and going out in the night.
My mom got the girls and brought them to my house and our couples weekend pretty much was ruined. My ex has even friended a couple of guys I dated after we divorced and hangs out with them. My ex comes from a big family he is the youngest of 7 and his family lives close by but it is like he is trying to get back at me by ruining my family ties and hurt me even more by friending ex boyfriends.
This truly hurts to cut ties with my mom and my only sister but I have to because they continue to hurt me with chosing a relationship with my ex husband. It is a betrayal and hurts very deeply to lose your mother before she is dead. LRBTexas, My heart aches for you. What ever happened to family loyalty.
Your ex was a manipulator just like my exlying, charming others while doing everything in his power to make my life miserable. No one would believe the truth about him, but my kids and I witnessed it all. He made it his life goal to take away all my friends and some family members. He even told me that he was a great actor and should have gotten an academy award during the last years of our marriage. I am going through a similar situation, luckily no children involved with me and him though.
We were good friends, he backed off from my sister because he seen me alot, he still had feelings for me I did not. Eventually I got a new partner, who he knew through being around me so he thought it was a betrayal, he went crazy, was threatening etc during this time he started going to my sisters most days again, he was threatening my new partner yet my sister was still supporting him which of course hurt me.
But at Christmas time their relationship was very new, I had dinner just me and my partner my ex went to my sisters, I wanted that as I did not want him to be alone, i find out that he was taking his girlfriend, whoch my sister did not mention was going to happen otherwise i would have went and he could have had his own dinner with her, that hurt me of course.
My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. I do not know. My husbands ex still hangs with his family along with her new husband.
It has really divided the family. I can relate to so many letters on here. My ex and I split after 18 years of marriage. Infidelity on both sides were symptoms but there was so much more involved that caused our marriage to end.
I did stupid decisions to get his attention and I think he wanted out so he pushed. He said he was working on himself as he went through several women and moved in with the last one months after meeting her. He was selfishly looking out for just himself. I work full time and raised our girls on my ownvery little help from him. He fought me on support as well. You would think, by now, he would have moved on and focused on his own family and his gf family.
He hangs out with my brother, my sister still sees him, and my dad. He helped my brother move into a new home. He told off my mom. The one person who has been supportive to Me, and my dad shakes his hand. Yet he is more important than my feelings. My girls are older now. They knew my family through me. Not my ex. The last straw was finding out my brother and my SIL now hang out with my ex and his gf as couples.
I would never do that to them. I tried to work on us. He wanted out. Am I wrong to want my family to be loyal to me. My ex said he was leaving me. Not his family. He was right. He got them in the divorce. Them hanging out or keeping in contact with him has allowed my ex to treat me as he has. My ex does. My father remains in contact with him and goes to their house. I even think something happened between ex and my sister. My therapist said I hurt because my family will never be what I wish it was.
I feel very isolated. He has my family. Am I wrong to feel this way? Hell no!! You divorced your husband! My heart aches for you. But your family is wrong wrong wrong!!! Shame on them. Something is definitely wrong in family dynamics nowadays.
I have a similar situation. I was married for 12 years. My mom lived with us, a did my niece. There were many mistakes on both sides but he was emotionally and psychologically abusive. Once he left, I told my niece that I wanted her to remove him from suicidal media. I eventually had to distance myself from her because she was making what I believed to be terrible decisions, including being a sugar baby.
Fast forward a year or so and I just found pictures of her with my ex and his new wife. Crappy people find other crappy people. Just my two cents. I am in a very similar situation. It hurts. I am so sorry.
Mar 24, 14 People Share What's It's Really Like to Have An Ex Who Is Now Their In-Law "My sister has been dating an ex of mine for the last two years, and the ex has plans to propose to her at the end.
You will actually need to tell your family how you feel. They are clueless. You will need to think hard about what to say. Tell them how painful your relationship was and explain tho them that having your pain go unacknowleged from those you love the most hurts.
Tell them this hardly to be considered petty, your marriage was not petty. To gloss over the loss is make light of what matters to you. They need to honor your feelings. Go with your gut. The most painful part of this whole subject for me as well as many of the others in this boat is that we have told our families how we feel. I no longer speak to my former in laws.
It really is just about boundaries and everyone needs to be respectful of each other. It is quite apparent that your ex is doing this because he knows it is hurting you and your family is enabling him. I went and continue to go through the same struggle but on the positive side, eventually, my children understood that what my ex did was for his own interests and not theirs. They are grown now and we have, for the most part put that behind us. I will never have the relationship that I used to have with my family and some of them, not all, realize that boundaries would have made the whole situation a whole lot better.
I can only hope that they my children know that no matter what happens that they will always come first and if they find themselves in a similar situation one day that Mom will be there for them. Cut off your family if you must. Being happy is better than pretending to be while people walk over you and your feelings of toxicity. My mom. They side with them even though I left them because they were abusive.
I always just wanted peace but they all want to control me. I stay away from them They are toxic and unhealthy in my situation. The reality is many times we are still aunt or uncle to the children of siblings, independent of the divorce. Good luck with moving forwardand I post about my personal life all the time, most of my blogs are out of original material from my life.
I figure, I can offer my life as a guide and a lens for others to view themselves and move along their own path. I guess I maybe miss interpreted the post or my post was misguiding. My family is highly toxicmentally ,physically abusive. I mixed nations they claim and am damed to hell I dated an African American man and they lied as a team to try and Control me and have me involuntarily committed to a mental hospital for dating out of the family race.
They manipulateblame me for everythingtried to turn my 3 children against me but kids are smart and see right through it. As well as my counselor I see for the many many years of emotionalphysical ,sexual and mental abuse. My situation requires cutting ties Unless they change by actions there is no way lime my counselor says they can be healthy to be around. My older sister was smart and moved to another state to escape their long lived abuse.
What bothers me the most is her parents behaviour. All that stated, it sounds like you miss your family and life is short - so repair what you can and make the most of it. It sounds like your ex has intentionally embedded himself into your family. My case is not near as bad as the original poster.
My issue is that I got divorced, and my 14 year old child took it badly. She would not see her father. Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. I wanted a new partner and wanted my daughter to just follow along. I now have a wife and child. Wishful thinking. I tried to separate before finding a partner, but to them the timing overlapped and I was the bad guy, the locks were changed, and I was thrown out. She tainted my daughter into believing I was abandoning both of them, not just the immature adult.
There were other issues like the leftover personal items mysteriously disappearing in the 15 month long divorce. Once when daughter alone, I knocked on the door for 2 minutes, she would not talke to me. But hours later the police were called. I had to fight off a TPO that later the judge threw out. Again no shared parenting or visitation was ever setup. I relented to a 15 year old, because I figured it was a losing battle. She refused to meet with me with a court ordered psychologist, only going to 6 sessions by herself, and cancelling when it came time to meet together.
All I could do was email. The ex lied to the high school staff that court orders existed, that I could not come see her or attend events. My family sympathized but acted also like it was futile to offer an olive branch.
By this time my ex was going thru the motions of pretending to want me to get back with my daughter, but it was smoke and mirrors. A college graduation invitation was not mailed to me it was handed to me by my mother. My family went to her college graduation. I was happy, there was still some hope. So years went by and barely any conversations ever were initiated by my family of their opinions on what to do. They denied speaking to my daughter.
I figured they felt hurt for me. Lets all move on. Its what she wants. I told my mother. All she wanted to know is if I wrote a mean reply back. Of course not I told her. Come to find out a couple years later that my mother met with my ex and her daughter, but I was not told until 3 more years went by, and only by accidental discovery. I expressed displeasure.
Its her turn to try. My wife found out, unexpectedlythat mother-sister-ex-and daughter got together this past winter. My wife struggled for a week before deciding to tell me.
She feels just as hurt as I do. I feel my family is sending the message that I was wrong in wanting to start a new life, and that pity must come to that person, now over What good does my family get out of these sporadic visits?
What my ex gets is justification for her turning a child against a parent, and for making the divorce process a nightmare and then getting free love and attention for her adult daughter from her grandmother.
The visit came on the same very day we had plans of our own with my mother and sister.
If I say anything, then all future visiting will be drained by that cloud of despise. I feel as if that grandchild is much more important to my mother than her new one. Despite the fact that the 30 something year old still continues to hate me.
At some point though I have to decide, that if I can forgive them in my heart, I can keep it to myself. Unfortunately, both me and my spouse are hurt. There is no more middle ground, i have to choose between fake family love, continual ignoring of real grand child on one side versus avoiding family get togethers at the expense of my teenage child who has no clue about this. Now if I had been battling all these years to see the person I once called daughter, than I would expect better treatment from my family.
Of course. I would welcome them speaking to her. But to see her now, and secretly, its a dagger. I completely understand how you feel.
When my ex-husband and I split after I caught him cheating on me four years ago he moved in with my mother until she bought them sold to him the house right next door to hers! So sorry to hear I am not alone. When I told him how I felt he told me he considered my ex to be family and basically disregarded me. The turmoil that this brings is almost unbearable, how do we cut off our parents?
But we must go on, we must find a way. You need a new family. Cultivate friends and have your own super bowl parties and holiday dinners. I am going through the exact situation! I feel exactly as you do. I confronted my family members about the situation and I was met with resistance and belittled.
This was also because I met someone new and things are going well with my new girlfriend. It is an extremely difficult situation.
My soon to be ex is a narcissist! Of course he makes it seem like everything is my fault and she believes it! I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. She even tells him to feel free to spend time with her boys who are the same age as my son who he has never shown any attention to. It could be worse. She swore we would never be rid of her. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe.
My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. Nope, so he asked her. Well we find out a few weeks ago she did it.
And being fully supported by my mother in law. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it.
14 People Share What's It's Really Like to Have An Ex Who Is Now Their In-Law
Yesterday he text her about how wrong it was, how it hurt him and was a huge mistake. And how is that a suprise for his birthday? His family judged me, disliked me before they met me. They have never given me a chance, never tried to know me. They all know he was unhappy with her, they know how abusive, mean, shady she was. We will probably have to move out of state again once the drama starts.
We had to do that 3 years ago because it was so bad. We only came back last year because she had moved. Good luck to you. Wish me the same. I think I was in denial. And I fact encouraged the divorce. Made snide comments about his excessive drinking and mishandling of money. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. A joke. People tell themselves anything to rationalize crazy behavior.
He never remarried and stays glued to my family as if they were his own. Their loyalty to him far extends any thought or consideration of me. Who knows. You are absolutely not being unreasonable! This is a matter of loyalty. If you cannot expect your family to be loyal, supportive, and defend you in this difficult adjustment period - then what is the point of even having a family? Sometimes, in the real world, sides have to be taken.
I think fictitious, cutesy movies and television shows about exes unrealistically co-existing have given society the impression that all divorce situations can be that way. Many divorces occur, because someone was a terrible spouse. Married for 14 years and had suicidal depression for a lot of it.
The lightbulb finally came on that my husband was emotionally abusive, financially abusive and beginning to get physically abusive. Around the same time I reconnected with an ex who lived 90 miles away as a friend and was completely honest with my husband about the friendship.
When I stood up to him he started to behave threateningly with shotguns. He then changed the locks on our home leaving me with no possessions. I refused to be controlled anymore and thank god for my Mum and brothers who did support me and make it possible for me to initiate divorce he did not deny any of the unreasonable behaviour listed.
My Dad would not run over the possessions my ex dumped in his garden to my Mums house. My sister made friends with him on Facebook and lots of other heartbreaking stuff. I eventually made the decision to cut contact. Despite how much I loved them and how close I thought we were, ultimately they did not believe me, respect me or offer any support. I have since realised that they are all enablers - cowardly, passive aggressive people with no conscience or sense of what true family is.
It is 3 years since I cut contact and part of me still loves my siblings for the children they were and the people I thought they were but the bigger part of me has to face reality and accept that they are toxic. They broke my heart and I never want anything to do with them again. He lied and was on some kind of control agenda from the start.
Even after marriage he refused to have a joint account and denied me access to money. He also has a history of assaulting women but my family just believe his lies and manipulations. It really is unbelievable and they think I am the crazy, nasty one?! Another who has a very similar story. I was married for 7 years and had three children with my ex. Infidelity on one side led to infidelity on the other side, and I finally realized that I needed to end things as they were so very toxic.
I very much expected my family if not my friends to support my decision and back my play. All of her family and friends have completely cut ties with me, which I expected. The exact opposite happened with my family. They all acted like the divorce never happened. How terrifying and awkward. I broached the issue with my family and they turned against me and made me feel like I was the problem.
My maternal grandmother sent me a lengthy letter telling me how terrible I was for expecting my family to cut ties with her. I feel estranged and devastated.
I thought for so long that maybe I WAS the problem, but after reading the OP and all of these comments, it gives me some solace. So thank you. I totally feel your pain. To be able to act so cruelly to a blood relative is just abusive. I would have been more than accommodating to them having a relationship but they enabled him to behave abusively towards me because he was sweetness and light to their faces whilst being a monster behind their backs.
They even fed him information and made the situation worse - they actually put me in physical danger. Perhaps they are jealous you have left a toxic relationship? It really is more about their own limitations and small mindedness. You could put that in your declination letter! Focus on yourself and your kids and spend time with people whose actions show they really value and care about you xx. I agree completely that your family should respect your wishes of you not wanting to be around your ex husband all of the time and they need prioritize you being at family functions and events over your ex.
They have already booked and paid for the flights so I guess we are committed. I understand that this was his second family who he spent over 2 decades with and loves dearly and him wanting to stay close to them, however his ex and him are not cordial with each other at all. I am sure that these are lovely people but my anxiety is through the roof. Not sure how to get out of this!
I am so thankful for your post and all the supportive comments. My son is grown and although he loves my x very much he does not care to have a relationship with my sisters. But his daughter lives with me and also loves my x dearly and I wholeheartedly support that relationship.
Unfortunately she has seen how hurt I have been by my sisters and therefore does not want to be around them either. She says she is ok with that but you never know with teenagers. I am so sorry and it is not ok for them to put you in that position.
My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing with his family and his ex. They have a child together and his ex believes she has a right to be at family functions just for the fact that her son is family and because they had been together for so many years. She knows how it makes my boyfriend feel.
She does not care. And honestly I believe she is trying to make his family choose her over him, and to make me as uncomfortable as possible. Most of his family spoke poorly of her during their time together and it seems to really be one aunt in particular who invited her to all the family functions.
And I still get along with his family. We only see each other when it involves our kids. You are setting healthy boundaries. If they want a relationship with your ex, then they should do that outside of family functions that should include you! I think you are creating unnecessary emotions for yourself.
My sister is dating my ex husband
YOU have the problemnot everyone else. But I think that for the sake of emotional growth, you should not create more space between yourself and your family and begin to heal. You can work on your feelings and soon they will change. It takes work sometimes painful work but itsi possible.
I think the above comment is unfair. She has the problem precisely because of their unsupportive and downright strange behaviour. Healing relationships takes emotional growth on both sides. This lady is self questioning and doubting herself and seems certainly open to healing and growth whereas I get the impression the others are probably narcissistic for their actions speak volumes.
Where is any empathy or understanding to her feelings? Why would an ex want to drive a wedge between his ex and her own family? To me it smacks of some kind of power trip. I do realise you cannot change other people - only yourself and sometimes the most mature, healing path you can take is to recognise that even family are not always positive, loving, supportive people to be around and to try and take all the hurt feelings and channel them into something productive. They have already hurt you and now you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense.
I am responding to Theresa Channer, I hate to explain this to you. But most divorces do not end up with exes hanging out with previous in-laws. Suzie the author in this situation has explained she is uncomfortable.
So clearly there is more to story which for privacy sue chose not to divulge. Family should be the first group emotionally support in that. Not side with the ex. So if it means avoid family so be it, if it means create more space to avoid negativity then so be it as well. Putting all the blame on her like you did was unfair. I have the same situation. My ex is my daughters step dad. My nephew has always been my getaway place.
I would go there for holidaysweekends and just to visit. So when I married my ex, 17 years ago he would come with on those occasions. They became good friends.
Now we are divorced because he was unfaithful and left me for the other woman. Within the first 6 months my ex asked my nephew if he and his new woman could come to visit and stay in his home my get away place my nephew was going to allow this. We live 7 hours from my nephew. My ex lives 7 hours from him too. He is no longer his uncle. I am and will always be his aunt. Am I wrong for telling my nephew how this has hurt me and that if he allows the two of them to come and stay in his home my family I will not come back to visit.
You are foremost his Aunt and family so your feelings should come first. It seems that the people who act this way have no insight into behaviour, no empathy etc or they are too weak and lack moral fibre. Your ex sounds like a complete narcissist. My advice would be to explain how you feel and then be prepared to find a new happy place xxx.
Thank you for your support. You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. Again, thank you.
Validation is so refreshing. You are v welcome because it has taken me 3 years to really understand how toxic these kind of people are with many periods of tears and self doubt and I think that says it all. When I also looked back over these family relationships; I could see that they were nowhere near as reciprocal as the effort and love I put in.
My sister made friends with my ex on Facebook. She had been like a daughter to me. The trouble is, is that these exes are so manipulative. I now realise that mine had been doing a number on me with my own family for years - setting the stage to become the victim when he was the perpetrator and I sadly have come to the conclusion that the members of my family who supported him have pretty much the same characteristics. That side of my family do have previous. One of her daughters moved to Vietnam and none of that side of the family tried to reestablish contact for approx 2 years after it was lost.
I bet if you look through your own family that has supported your ex you will start to see similar traits xxx. Like a lot of people here, same situation. Was really confused when my older sister, started during our acrimonious divorce, to help him out. She is a family lawyer on top of that!! She explained to me that she will support me the same way, so I never relied on her!
He ended up trying to use their relationship in court against me! So, there was an ulterior motive for him as well. If a family member chooses to support your Ex, by hanging out, inviting them, etc, then they are purposely ignoring your feelings.
I have no problem with them being cordial but family gatherings is out of the question, esp if you are around. That is so damn insensitive. For example, whenever my Ex comes up during a conversation, when there are several people around, cousins, my sister they will ask, If things are better with my Ex. I will loudly exclaim NO, that he is still a jerk and controlling and give specific examples.
Ann, I agree with every word you have written. Have you also noticed there is no middle ground for those who disagree with your comments? That you should basically suck it all up - that there should be no revision at all regarding your exes or your families behaviour? This is exactly where the problem lies. Those of us who have experienced this situation intrinsically know that it is NOT normal, natural behaviour of your own flesh and blood x.
Thanks Joanna - you nailed it, that about no middle ground, and that you must suck it up. The question is how much more do you need to!
MY SISTER DATED MY EX - STORYTIME
That is why I advocate for being completely honest IF they ask. Put the onus on them to keep asking you questions. Yes - I was never asked how I felt or how I was coping.
I was judged from the offset as the guilty one for initiating the divorce and they felt sorry for him and had no problems telling me so. Even when I tried to explain myself - my explanations were then judged. There was no support or concern. You are unreasonable. For one they are his kids too. Put your ego aside and be happy your kids and extended family is happy even though your not.
Fact is until he dies and even beyond he will always be family via the blood connection of your children. YOu are so far off on your opinion. Divorce means move on and this family is way off on how they are treating her. This guy needs to piss off and get his own family.
Thank you for this. I really needed it. My brother came through town last weekend and he called my ex instead of me. That really hurt. Hi Samantha.
I am so sorry you are in this situation too. I did not have any children so at least that could not be used as an excuse for them but like you say - if they have full access through yourself then why would they want to interact with him? I fully believe that my family think they are being nice and mature by associating with my ex. I was close to my exes family but as soon as we split - I naturally and respectfully kept my distance. What sort of man deliberately engineers this kind of situation?
A controlling, abusive one who wants to remain connected to try and continue to control and punish you by any means possible which is why I took the difficult decision to break contact.
Of course - when I tried to explain this and how this fit with their current actions it only served as further proof that it is me who is the wicked, deluded one! This is almost certainly why they are not interested in or respectful of your opinions.
Sending you a hug xx. If you really want to get rid of your ex and his girlfriend, start going to your family functions. Suck it up, quit feeling sorry for yourself, quit being the victim and quit letting him have custody of your family.
Start going and act like you are perfectly fine with him being there. Be overly friendly, in fact. This will make the girlfriend uncomfortable and you will find that they attend your family functions less and less. You have to remember that they were his family too for 13 years.
They still like him. Apparently they like him better than they like you and are willing to sacrifice you for him, which is a whole different therapy session, but if you want your family back, you have to make him and his new girlfriend be the ones to decide that it just feels weird to be part of YOUR family any longer. Sorry for the brutality. Truth is always best when served direct. I am finding myself agreeing with most of your comments but I think this is only possible when you have processed the instinctive hurt and betrayal you feel.
However I like your point of moving past victimhood and playing them at their own game. I do think when a few years has passed however and the initial hurt fading you have decide whether it is best to leave estrangement as it is. I am wondering why your family is excluding you.? Have you told your family that even though you get along with your ex he is no longer a part of your family. Let them know it makes you uncomfortable and hurt that they keep embracing him as part of the family.
They should not be including him in family gatherings. Wishing you well. Stay strong in who you are. Hi Lilia - i completely agree. Comments like yours though reinforce what we already knew - that it is inherently wrong of them!
Families should be loyal to their relatives. End of story!!! It also makes it hard when you try to move on a introduce a new partner Especially when your Ex is their favourite man. Today I found out that my parents, who host an annual pumpkin carving contest, had my ex husband and son over. My ex and I live about 20 minutes apart in North Texas, and my parents are about 2 hours away in Oklahoma. I thought about calling them and telling them off but I figured it was a waste of time and just to completely write them off.
Bless you. I know exactly how you feel. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. I was made to feel unsupported and unwelcome.
Do you think your family are perhaps lacking in emotional intelligence? You are not being unreasonable.
When I got a divorce my family continued to have a relationship with my ex. More and more I was out and he was in. Finally I walked away from them all. My family was aware my ex treated me badly at the end. I hope they are all happy. I divorced them all. I am happy. I too can relate to this. I got a divorce. All the years of my marriage I kept all the hurt inside, never told my family what was actually going on in my marriage, devoting my entire life to my kids happiness.
I am a very private person. The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. I cannot express the hurt that this caused me. I not only lost her, but her kids were like my own. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have her family stand behind her, emotionally the most important and financially in her divorce.
She had none of these issues. The ex does not even have a bedroom set up for them in his home. He has held resentment against her for telling the judge she wants to stay with me. My daughter went from a happy funny kid to a very quiet hurt kid.
My heart breaks for her everyday. I worry about her each and every day. Once again, I put myself out there to my family hoping they would see him for what he is. Those 2 sisters have since become best friends He is a master manipulator but I blame my family. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by what the other 2 are doing and one sister who continues a relationship with my sisters but not my ex.
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