Not pleasant intj trouble dating situation familiar me
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INTJs are not known for placing a lot of emphasis on romance. We embody the suppression of emotion, not the expression of it. We can be so matter-of-fact and hard-headed that it's difficult to imagine us doing something as frivolous as falling in love. At the same time, we want a relationship. We know that we're pretty darned outstanding as relationship material, just too awkward to play the dating game.
It is also right that some objective criteria needs to be evaluated to determine compatibility before entering into a relationship. But, once the initial screening has taken place and most criteria met, only time spent with a person can help you gauge long-term compatibility. Turning it around in your own head for years, before making a move, is a colossal waste of time for all concerned.
A relationship requires some level of nurture I am an INTP, but even I know this and a lack of ego and arrogance, specially in the initial stages. If you starve it, as you turn around scenarios in your mind, it will surely die. INTJs are perfectly capable of cutting off their noses to spite their faces and that's why you need condescending blog posts to give you a perspective that you clearly lack.
Thanks for the article and thank you for this comment! Man are often attracted by myself physically, but they get intimidated after 5 minutes of conversation.
Guess what? I met an Intj Man, and I fall completely for him after accurate analysis of course I have been liking him for 4 years now, and he has been challenging me and observing for all this time,but yet, we are not in a real relationship even if I know that we are getting slowly slowly slowly slowly closer. Looking at my not-intj girls-friends, I often feel like I am emotional failure of course on the intellectual side I beat them, but what for, if I am not able to touch the heart of the man i love the most on heart?
Yeas, Love, exactly that!
Amazing ah? On top my intj man is a super male, and he doesn't want to be pursued. I often feel like in a prison. This is an interesting article. As discussed in the article, and as lampooned on the television program 'The Big Bang Theory', romance is one of the most difficult challenges an INTJ may ever face. I'm in my 40's now and never had a girlfriend, not even a flirtatious relationship, with anyone until I was Even then, I would have never met her if my co-workers hadn't set me up.
First, they had talked me into trying online dating which was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months on three different online dating sites trying to find anyone who might possibly be worth trying to date.
I managed to find a few whose profiles suggested this. I think I corresponded almost pen pal style with nine or ten of them over that time period. Of those, only three kept it up long enough for me to somehow screw up the courage to ask them out on an actual date. The first one turned out to be so focused on one of the subjects that I simply can't stand, politics, that it was nearly impossible to have a good conversation with her. That was all she wanted to talk about and my attempts at 'small talk' usually failed.
For her part, she was almost as totally uninterested in what was then my passion, botany, as I was in her's.
We had five or six dates before I finally gave up. I knew that it was time to give it up when she started talking about a guy she'd met at this presidential library where she volunteered did I mention that she was obsessed with politics? She clearly found him more interesting than she did me, so I broke up with her.
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It was painful, because I'd finally taken the huge risk of attempting a romantic relationship and it had fizzled miserably. The second one seemed to be more interested in my work and hobbies, asking me lots of questions about it and encouraging me to tell all about the ups and downs of it When I finally met her for an actual date, she spent almost the entire time taking calls on her cell phone and talking to her friends.
On the first date, she even brought along her best friend as a sort of group date. That she wasn't willing to trust me enough to meet her at a restaurant with it being just the two of us was my first red flag. Having the phone to her ear most of the time was the second. But, I was so hoping not to have a repeat of the first disaster and her online correspondence was so fun, that I tried to keep going.
Then, after a few dates, I was involved in an auto accident that really hurt me. After I'd calle I called her and only got her voice mail. I left her a message saying what had happened.
Then, I called my coworkers. They came immediately, even though they were further away, and helped me through it. I tried her again at the hospital and still got voicemail. She didn't call me back, not even the next day. When I finally got her to answer the phone a couple of days later, I wound up breaking up with her, letting her know that I had finally realized how low of a priority I was.
The third person I met online was the best yet. We had a ton of things in common: interests, growing up experiences, faith etc. I loved corresponding with her, and later on, talking with her on the phone. In fact, we are still friends and keep in touch on Facebook. The problem came when it came to attempting a physical date. She had her own business and her time was so consumed with that, that it was nearly impossible to make a date.
After a couple of months, I realized that I'd always be second banana to her business. After that, I gave up on the online dating scene. My coworkers felt bad that it had gone so poorly, so a few months later, the guy I worked with gave me the name and phone number of someone who was his wife's co-worker. It took me a few days to screw up the courage to even call her. When I finally did, I called her three times on three different days even tried different times of day and just got her voice mail.
I almost gave up and tossed the post-it note with her number in the trash, but then I thought about how my co-workers had told me what a great person she was and how much we had in common, that I ought to try one more time. She answered the phone that time and we talked for at least two hours. We spent the next two or three months talking on the phone at least once a week, sometimes three or four times a week.
Each time, they were very lengthy calls, yet we never seemed to run out of things to talk about and even started sharing things that we never thought we'd ever tell anyone else about our problems, frustrations, dreams, regrets, etc. I finally decided that she might actually be 'the one', so I asked her out on a dinner date. We wound up chatting over our meal from around 6 pm until the place closed. I'd never talked to anyone so much in my whole life, but I found that I actually enjoyed it.
We dated for a little over two years, still living separately, much to the surprise of some of the people we knew which appalled me, making me realize just how much morals had degraded these daysbut spending as much time together as our schedules allowed. We both had weekends off and usually were off work before 5 pm, so that wound up being a lot of time together.
By the time I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without her, we'd gotten to know each other really well both the good stuff and the not so attractive stuff. In fact, by then, we'd seen each other at both our best and our worst as we both had had big problems at work and in our family life by then. When I asked her to marry me, I was shocked at how comfortable I already was with her and that I wasn't nervous at all.
I think I had already intuitively realized that she wanted to marry me before I even asked. We've been married almost 10 years now. There have been ups and downs to be sure, but we've never fought and never tried to break up with each other.
There have been disagreements, but both of us grew up being so adverse to fighting that we've always managed to resolve those disagreements without them degrading into anything hurtful.
She took the Meyers Briggs test in college as I had and it had said that she was INTP with a tendency more towards being extroverted than my test showed. So, we are enough alike that we can relate to each other, yet different enough that she makes up for my weaknesses and I make up for her's. This was a great story. I feel less bad now for dropping nice girls after first cbeebies-games.com. Because maybe the next one is the one that clicks with no doubt or uncertainty.
Although most of the things mentioned in this article touch upon genuine difficulties of INTJ's, it's equally important to point out that a significant subset of INTJ's don't experience this. A lot has been written about the ostensibly traumatic experiences of being an INTJ woman in the dating world. A distinction exists between the nature of people's dating experiences: in the realm of attraction, one tends to be a "generalist" or a "specialist.
As an INTJ female, most of my traits - be these strengths or weaknesses - have been extremely different from those of the majority of women. The vast majority of men like these with whom I've interacted throughout life have at some point ended up romantically interested in me, and this whole notion of INTJ females having so much trouble with dating hasn't been confirmed by my actual experiences.
Omg great article! Fellow INTJ female. Loved the sarcasm.
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It's funny how many women INTJ's complain, but have options to decide upon, and can enter into fulfilling relations. I think that's because women no matter what type they are, will always have a steady stream of suitors, so it isn't as difficult to find a mate. INTJ women are on the other hand pursued, and that makes the dating world a hell of a lot simpler for them. Am I the only one that believes that we have really strong feelings actually and they are deep inside, protected and not on the surface for everyone to see.
I don't believe in someone's feelings if they arise after just meeting a few times. It takes time to know someone for real, the depths, the different sides of a person. And it's not that I can't date, I know how to be someone's dreamgirl, I just can't as I would lose respect for myself. Also I don't want to waste my time on some superficial shit, I want real raw loyalty. Know we are together. I don't want to tell someone what I feel for them. I want that person in my life who can read me like my thoughts are naked.
Unable to hide. That's what thrills me. You can say we are judging but if the judgement is usually right, I think we are good at reading people. It's patterns and if it is considered genius when it comes to other things then why is t judging when it comes to human beings.
I used to watch people during a job and tell a whole story about someone by looking at their shoes. I still do sometimes. So yeah if a guy comes up to me and opens his mouth to speak, and the words fit the mold and I realize I was even soft on him, because I'm sweet like that, I keep some space for you to change what I see, then I can't. I just goddamn can't waste my time. Especially when they fucking touch you on the arm or shoulder and you just cringe For an INTJ, everything can be black and white.
You're either a good match or you're not. And once you've established that, you're always right and if a partner needs encouragement, then you're not a good match. Thankfully, we're smart enough to realize that's probably not how the world works.
Feelers need to feel good about the relationship, and that won't happen if INTJs get locked in our roles as cold, somewhat distant logicians who expect a love "set up" to just run smoothly because we invested so much on the front end.
Relationships with feelers need constant maintenance and spontaneity. The article is true. It would take time for me to choose a loved one or romantic partner. Comments were entertaining. Attractive article. No thanks! What if I actually AM more intelligent, driven, passionate than any of them.
Guys like more extroverted women, ideally a bit more stupid than they are. So according to this article, we should just all become a bunch of ESFP's.
That would be completely fake and I would be attracting someone I most likely wouldn't want to be around. I tend to think if we are going to apply personality to relationships, we might as well focus on finding people we natually like being around rather than pretending to be something we aren't.
Intj trouble dating
I didn't read everyone else's comments until after I wrote mine. I am glad to see other INTJ's see this in a similiar way. I am an isfj dating an intj. We have been dating for the last three years and I only just found out that he is an intj!!
And our S and T really clash quite a lot. INTJ female here.
WHY ARE INTJ SO ATTRACTIVE BUT WILL NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP (Unless They Change This) - INTROVERTS
I just started reflecting on how I respond in these situations I'm unqualified to date. I sent a link to a guy who wanted to date me because he wanted to correct me before checking.
Then someone outside my social class contacts me and I HAD to go ahead and get all logical and tell him I'm not the woman for him. He must know me and what he wants because he asked me to call him. I did. Then these other two The other IDK what but didn't give them a chance. A other one a successful lawyer but has BPD or emotionally immature- fun af though. Now that I'm grown enough to know that's the M. This blog post is laughable at best. While it's true that when I was younger, I was clueless about romance No matter the type of couple hetero, gay, lesbo.
For example, when a woman says "she is fine" when she is not, it's her test to see if the man cares enough to open her up emotionally with presence and action. But what she is actually pissed off at the weakness of the man, that caused her to go in her masculine which she doesn't like and if prolonged over time, the sexual polarity will fade away. But I'm still amazing at romance and flirting, when the situation calls it.
Some of this is on-target but some of it is a bit wide of the mark.
I married a woman who I simply realised was who I could trust, would be a fantastic mother, a great lover but to be blunt is not the most intelligent woman I have ever met. Her love of crappy TV, cooking shows, horrible cheezy books and facebook is something I just accept is part of the fantastic deal it has turned out to be - for me anyway. I am only too aware of my lack of social grace and knew that much more critical to a successful marriage would be the need to find someone capable of ignoring my blunt comments instead of me looking for who was really intelligent.
It worries me a little that in later years I will need a little more intellectual stimulation at home but at the moment I have a few friends that I mentally spar with and that meets my needs. But I completely shy away from intimacy and romance when it comes down to it, particularly physical intimacy. Rarely do I feel like I get to be true to myself in dating. Being 28 myself and asking all these same questions I realized that I'm missing so much warm moments in my seclusion and started getting this solved a year ago, tinder, speed datings, getting social After 9 tries I probably can say, that you have 2 options: - 'Your' person will just click, you will have no doubt about that.
You will know when you meet her - since any time you spend together makes you feel energized and motivated, comfortable and interesting. Maybe they don't 'click' immediately, or not tick all your checkboxes, but here you have to decide if you'd like to compromise any of these, or if any other her traits compensate the lack of others. Believe that she is the one and then act as in option 1. I haven't tested this yet, because this is more plan B for me right now, still believe the next one is the one.
Reading this article was interesting. I would say that we are a good match, but I feel like I need more verbal validation in order to reassure myself of our growing bond. Also, some more cheesy romance would be nice. I want to have a discussion about it and believe that comprise will play a big role in the continuation of our relationship.
Do any of you have suggestions? The poor guy has learnt over 7 years how weird and wacky I am and understands when I'm really trying, even if it is lame. Luckily I met him at 15 and so I wasn't such a control freak yet :D Really like your article!
Growing up, not even interested in the opposite sex, i first heard "someone thinks you are cute" from a classmate, i didnt even know what to do with that information at that point, but it got me thinking, years later, hitting 17 i had my first girlfriend, basicly a woman hassling about how she thought i was cute and wanted to meet up so we did.
Everything was awkward and quirky and didnt last long. I started actually getting interested in people, i made it my "mission" to learn people,it took somewhat of a wrong turn, i learned how to manipulate people because i knew themselves better than they did, all their emotions could be boiled down and exploited, i could steer and manipulate as i saw fit, getting partners wasnt an issue, neither was throwing them away as i had a hard time making actual and meaningfull connections, more enjoying my "power" over people more than anything.
Now that i am older i can reflect back on this, to see how seemingly driven and engaged i can seem and how attractive this can be, how being smart, seeing what makes people get exited and tick has given me a scewed relation to people: Now im older, im hitting 33, been trying to get proper dates and relationships but it is so hard, finding someone who can "understand me" seems like the biggest hurdle, i feel like i am in control, that i cannot let this feeling go away, and a relationship has to be something else Anyone else had a similar experience and can relate?
I love the idiot but I need him to show his love and appreciation for me and he simply can't figure out how to do it in a authentic way that makes me feel unloved and insecure although overall I am a confident person.
I'm breaking up with him because he has no ways to deal with any non positive feelings I have and it seems like he just expects me to put them away and get back to being happy without any part in it. I told him this week that it was the 3 year anniversary of my dad's death and he struggled to show any empathy. I love him and really wanted to be with him, but at the same time watching him struggle so hard just to show to me basic emotions, I'm planning to end the relationship.
Oddly he's the only man ever thought of marrying, but its goodbye. I have an INTJ girlfriend. I still love her despite of being so critical. I really admire her. I'm losing hope right now. I feel like i'm not the one for her. I've reached my limit. I'm tired of saying sorry. I don't know if she loves me the way I am or she wanted me to be better because that's what she prefers.
I'm pressured. It gives me anxiety every night. I know it isn't healthy. But i'm tired talking and demanding things from her. The constant chase and the countless fights exhaust me. I still love her. I really do.
But I need to redeem myself. I contemplate on admitting it. Little ISFJ, I'm glad that you recognize that your situation isn't healthy and I hope that you've been able to take action to remedy it. All comments are moderated. Please be courteous. Spammers will be fried and served on toast. Skip to main content.
Truity's Personality and Careers Blog. Words matter INTJs inhabit a world that resembles Downton Abbey - cold on the outside, but there's always something spicy percolating beneath.
Actions speak louder than words The old adage, "show, don't tell," is crucial to nailing romance. Some people actually celebrate Valentine's Day INTJs are the least likely of all the personality types to remember sentimental events such as birthdays and holidays because we don't see the point of these traditions.
Game plans only work when you're playing chess INTJs notoriously approach dating the way they approach most situations - with a game plan. A date is not an interview INTJs famously require a mate of the mind - someone clever, preferably genius, and independent enough to stand up to the INTJ's formidable intellect.
Sometimes, you've just got to go for it INTJ's score high on the Judging scale, which means they like to have things decided. No one likes haughty If you want to destroy romance, be sure to think of yourself as smarter, more intuitive, more conscientious, more rational and more important than your date. Sometimes you have to be selectively blind INTJs are known for plain-speaking.
Romance requires routine maintenance You change the oil in your car because you don't take its smooth running for granted. Comments Guest not verified says This article had me laughing to myself. A lot of it is bang on! T not verified says AJG not verified says GirlyINTJ not verified says The Quiet One not verified says Just another Jacob not verified says That is how I got into a relationship 4 out of 5 times.
I dislike outside help but it has been useful before.
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INFJ Here not verified says You crazy lol. Somebody named Paul not verified says Kay not verified says SR not verified says MushyFish not verified says Candice not verified says Ted L not verified says Jayne - First off, excellent analysis! Christi not verified says Ronnie not verified says Guest not verified says I love this!!! Spot on!!! I didn't love.
INTP female - trouble with dating. Close. Posted by 2 years ago. Archived. INTP female - trouble with dating. Hello friends. I'm terrified at this point in my life that I will end up alone. I feel like my personality has many conflicting traits which make it nearly impossible to find a suitable partner. INTJ 1 point 2 years ago. Are you about to enter into a relationship with an INTJ personality type? Do you want to know the truth when it comes to INTJ dating? Here's everything you need to know about INTJ dating and relationships. INTJ's and relationships When it comes to relationships, someone with the INTJ personality type tends to be straightforward, direct. What I've found is that certain men look for these traits (usually INTJ or INTP men). The vast majority of men like these with whom I've interacted throughout life have at some point ended up romantically interested in me, and this whole notion of INTJ females having so much trouble with dating hasn't been confirmed by my actual experiences.
Lol not verified says Jeannie not verified says FaithP not verified says Christamcday not verified says This is freakn awesomely hilarious left the planet, hell yeah bring it baby:.
ISTJ not verified says AJ Melvin not verified says I completely agree with that. John Enfield not verified says That was beautiful. That gives me hope. MissionLifePartner not verified says Female INTJ not verified says Sage not verified says Could be just me, this typing thing, is hard to nail it exactly down. Janainthegarden not verified says Keith Hays says Dianna not verified says Wow not verified says Thank you for this.
Maybe I'll find a great partner and debater. Shy INTJ male here. I think this is the worst combination. Wow Jayne!!! This is so crystal clear!! Laughsome article! So don't automatically assume that INTJs need romance lesson. Not all INTJs are the same. I wish you a great day! Lucas not verified says And thanks for letting me be this vulnerable. Please let me know how it goes :. Thanks :. Vivian not verified says Mattias L not verified says As we are repeatedly shot down, we come to intjs that celebrations are, in fact, intj to the rest of the world.
So for goodness sake, remember your anniversary. And book a table on Valentine's Day. INTJs notoriously approach dating the way they approach most situations - with a game plan. Rather than falling head over heels for the nearest warm body, we construct a well-defined image of our ideal partner, break the dating process intj into a series of actionable milestones, dating proceed to execute unmistakable dating dating laser-sharp focus.
Strategy in place, we're ready to woo. Mission: find a life partner. Shockingly, other people may not fall in line with this system. Partners and dates want dating know they are attractive, respected trouble loved for who they are without all the wrangling, controlling and unmistakable games. INTJs famously require a trouble of the mind - someone clever, preferably genius, and independent enough to stand up to the INTJ's formidable intellect.
Most INTJs will figure out very quickly intj someone makes the grade. If not, the INTJ will waste no time on further courtship. We are signs with the interloper. We will not look back. To make a fair dating, an INTJ typically will bombard their date with the "big" questions. And by big, I mean the sort of complex, probing, no-stone-left-unturned questions you get asked at an interview.
We think we are nailing down our date's personality and suitability this way. In fact, we're killing the buzz 90 percent of the time. Everyone has intj opinion intj these subjects.
Your date won't feel stressed talking about their favorite meal. If your date is a poor intj or displays terribly bad taste, cut your losses. But if the conversation naturally veers off at a tangent and throws up all sorts of delicious morsels, then you've probably struck gold. And you didn't even ask your date about their life goals. INTJ's unmistakable high on the Judging scale, which means they like to have things decided.
However, this only occurs when we've made up intj minds. Until then, we intj dating and open intj new information. This is a problem, because we have a tendency to spend a ridiculous amount of time studying the ins and outs of relationships - knotty issues like our feelings, whether the flames of passion are burning, and the significance of it all.
Intimacy can burn rather slowly until we've sorted everything out. By then, the object of our affection will have lost interest. So hurry it up already. In a cautious world, seizing the moment is undeniably romantic and sexy.
If you want to destroy romance, be sure to think of yourself as smarter, more intuitive, more conscientious, more rational and more important than your date. Cross examine them trouble trouble their assumptions. Always strive to be right, even if it trouble your significant other.
Don't worry about unmistakable intj cost of your attitude, and never give anyone a break. INTJs are known for plain-speaking. We say what's on our minds. We are blunt and unrelenting critics. We tell our partners where they've gone wrong and we fix false assumptions. Trouble cares about the touchy-feely stuff?