That grad school dating within department understand this
Posted in Dating
Dating after college seems to open up all sorts of new difficulties. So, partially as an exercise to myself, I just wanted to think through what those difficulties were. My goal is more acceptance through understanding. Some of the above go away once you leave grad school and your life settles down a bit. But I have an occasionally nagging fear that some of the above bullet points will persist and just never get better. That college was the easiest time to attempt dating, and after that everything is just gets more difficult and stays difficult.
Usually males are over-represented, but in some biological fields females seem to be over-represented instead. Regardless, the under-represented group usually consists of already taken people-either engaged, married, or in a long-term relationship. And this is in direct opposition to a good number of colleges, that try very hard to have a roughly equal gender balance.
Isolation in University : Meeting people in other departments can be difficult.
It sometimes is easier in a university town because everyone is associated with the university, so many mid-to-late somethings are grad students. But the small towns might also encourage very insular environments. And in larger cities just forget about it.
I just completed my first year of grad school and had a similar situation when I started last fall. I was 23 y/o male in a department of mostly older married / coupled people, so opportunities for dating inside my department were slim. Long story short-I had two flings with girls in my department which led to some mild awkwardness. Feb 12, Not sure I would consider dating within the department, let alone the clinical area for many of the reasons stated above but who knows. I've never been able to understand how people meet at bars, so I'll be relying on other methods to meet folks - difficult given that grad school schedules don't exactly allow for an overabundance of. Aug 05, Grad School is a Bad Time to Try Dating This post is going to sound mopey, even though that's not how I feel. I've just occasionally been frustrated trying to explain to various people that dating in grad school is much different from dating in college.
The easiest way seems to be finding some hobby and getting really into the area community for that hobby. But then your dating is limited to whatever people are also interested in that hobby.
DATING IN GRAD SCHOOL (THE MOST ROMANTIC THING I'VE EVER DONE)
No one dates a grad student for the money. Future Paycheck Size : A grad student might become a professor. In that case no one dates a professor for paycheck size either. But even though the top researchers in their fields make lots of money, the average professor has a much more modest income. Future Location Uncertainty : A professor goes wherever they can get a job.
There is a bit of a trade-off between location and research opportunities, though. Of course, leaving academia gives you a bit more choice.
Even then, you move to where you can get a job. And in college-educated society that has a certain status associated with it. The most common problem that students experience in graduate school is a lack of support from other people. This can be especially hard to deal with when your significant other is just as stressed out as you and unable to look at your situation with any critical distance.
If you decide to date someone who isn't in school, you will probably find that you are most compatible with people who are working full time, as opposed to the underemployed twenty-somethings that dot many university communities. In my opinion, a lot of relationship problems occur when the other person has too much free time on their hands. That said, dating in grad school can be a blast.
Grad school dating within department
When else will you be surrounded by so many intelligent, motivated, and in some cases beautiful people? Enjoy it.
I'm dating someone already, but if at any point I'm single in grad school I plan to say the following thing to any alluring fellow grad students: "Now, I think I'm totally worth it, but just so you know that by being in a serious relationship with me you are committing to always choosing my career first. In this way I hope to sidestep the two body problem.
That's also partly why I'm dating someone with moveable ambitions. Good idea, qbtacoma!
I may use that line myself, if you don't mind. I know that it's going to be hard enough to find an academic job after I graduate- I'd really rather not have to try to coordinate with an SO in the same boat of desperately searching for an academic job!
Unfortunately, being in grad school, I tend to meet mostly other grad students, many of whom have ambitions of academia. I should get out more. I'm not forcing my partner to play second fiddle to me, if that's what you're getting at. I meant "movable" in the sense that one doesn't have to be in any particular place to be a teacher, musician, etc. Or a stay-at-home parent, for that matter. And yeah, compatibility of life goals is actually important - I would rather not go through the heartache of being in love with someone whose career ambitions were in competition with mine.
Hey that's as honest as it gets and you know where your priorities lie Being upfront like that is most likely for the best I mean hell, don't rope me in and then expect me to follow you around in pursuit of your dreams and goals My career is just as important as yours and if we both realize that then it'll work.
So well said qbtacoma, I like it. Thanks for this. As Dan Savage so wisely says, there's no such person as "The One," but there are a lot of people who could be rounded up to one. I just hope this does not create bad feelings if this happens inside the department.
It could unfortunately. This "dating inside your department" topic comes up frequently here. If you are mature, level-headed, and even-keeled I think it's manageable. Everybody is different, and only you can know how you would react in professional situations with somebody you dated and then broke up with.
How Dating In Grad School Is Totally Different Than Dating In College
Let's say your significant other broke your heart. Do you have the strength and maturity to act professionally and separate you personal life in conferences, presentations, etc?
If the answer is no, then look elsewhere for love. I was seeing someone in my undergrad class and eventually didn't work out, but it was not awkward at all. It may not be the best idea, but we just pretended like nothing happened and continued being friend.
Jun 22, i agree with the poster who said to not date within your own department. in my first year, most of my colleagues were already in serious relationships or married and only one department relationship formed. whatever drama they had, they kept it to themselves. but in my second year, we got a host of new singles, all very, very young, and they all proceeded to pair up. every person in my.
It did, however, take about half of year of awkwardness, then everything was back to normal. I second Grimm's scoffing reply here. Assuming first of all that you were to happen to find and really fall in love with a person with "moveable ambitions," do you really think that alone will solve all possible conflicts that could come up?
New classroom, new rules. The ability to swipe through hundreds of people in your college town and the potential to match with literally anyone who catches your eye both sound ideal.
This thought process works out pretty well in college, especially since almost the entire student body is on dating apps, anyway. It's a quick way to meet new people or maybe even find out if that girl from your chemistry lab likes you back you know, assuming you swipe right on her and it's a match.
Dating apps are basically perfect for college because of how easy they are to use and how non-committal the whole swiping ritual is. It's rarely ever awkward bumping into your college classmates on Tinder because it's just what people do in college. This all seems a lot less appealing once you get to grad school. Presumably, your age preferences in grad school widen a bit leaving you open to a couple risks. The first is that you'll be swiping through professors who might be teaching your classes or whom you might be working closely with on a research project.
Either way, it's sure to leave a queasy feeling in your stomach that'll make you question whether or not you really need to be on dating apps at all.
Sep 04, Better advice: Do not treat graduate school as a dating pool in which you are a shark and everyone else is a tasty tuna. On the other hand, it's perfectly normal for people to meet in grad school and start dating-you may have similar interests, and dating a fellow doctoral student is an infinitely better option than dating a professor. But. Dec 27, In grad school: The college bar is risky in the same way dating apps are risky in grad school - you'll probably run into your students doing body shots on . Dating within a PhD program. I don't know any couples dating within the grad programs in my particular department, but I know many grad school couples who are in different departments at the same school. I think it could work well. Both would understand the pressures and commitments the other has, time constraints, deadlines, etc.
The other more horrifying risk, though, is the thought of accidentally matching with one of your students on a dating app. If, like I did, you work as a teaching assistant throughout your master's program, chances are you'll be teaching your own classes or, at the very least, grading papers for another professor's very large class. Keeping track of all of the students you interact with on a daily basis becomes difficult in a class of students. You won't know them all by name and you might not always immediately recognize them outside of class - like on dating apps.
To avoid this potentially disastrous mishap, I'd recommend narrowing your dating app preferences significantly and avoiding swiping right on anyone who lists your school as the one that they attend.
With fewer potential matches to swipe through, you'll be better able to determine which of them might be students of yours and which of them might actually be suitable dates.
Everyone knows " study date " is code for, "I like you, let's spend some uninterrupted, quiet time together so we can do literally anything else besides study. That's just as true in college as it is in high school.