Curious dating touring musician opinion
Posted in Dating
You will always, unreservedly and unashamedly come second. Just putting this out there. He'll have more intense relationships with his bandmates than he'll ever have with you. You'll be dropped at a moment's notice when his guitarist is 'feeling meh', or his bassist's gerbil diedor he's been offered a plus one to a gig where he HATES the band but there might be a schmoozable contact there. If you complain about this, you're massively selfish, FYI. You will be tired. You have a nine-to-five.
Why is that? To the point I made about some females already finding their musical hubby - these are rare but beautiful circumstances. I truly love seeing that, and I do get very happy for musical couples that are able to combine forces and achieve great things.
Some might even argue that it makes things more difficult. While the spirit of the article is well intentioned, the subject is too broad to be marginalized to one Op-Ed. I know musicians have a lot to do. I also know some people just make a lot of excuses for not wanting to really have to show care and concern for other people.
Believe them. Thanks a lot for this article! That gave me a good overview and a deep insight about how it is for a musician to date. Yeah uh.
If you want a relationship, you make time for it. I support my musician love of my life, even when he lets me down for a concert tour. His music is important to him and its his future. Even though I stay home, he continues on. I hope he shares the fruits of his labor and supports you too. I suggest you have him put a ring on it. I am a semi pro musician meaning I get paid I play in a Def Leppard tribute and a Crue tribute and have an orginal band as well.
But paying for the trip doesn't sound so bad compared to never being able to actually take one, as Craig found. Lawrence is now known internationally for his work with The Raconteurs, but he's been touring extensively since the mid-'90s with his garage-rock band The Greenhornes, which formed in Cincinnati in He also plays banjo for the Detroit band Blanche.
But he's one of the lucky few: It only took a decade for Lawrence to see a payoff. Craig was there for every painstaking step up that ladder.
And Lawrence's frequent absence was a fact of their relationship. If there was some interest in going on a trip, we couldn't seem to work around the touring. As someone who enjoys pleasure travel, it was very annoying to me. On occasion, I went to out-of-town shows to see him. However, I do not consider hanging out in a hotel room in Minneapolis for two days to be a real vacation. But they were in love. The pair met in when she was Lawrence was playing with the Greenhornes; Craig was in college on a theater scholarship.
Some may say that was naive or unrealistic, but I disagree based on the information that was presented to me at the time. Lawyers have advised her not to discuss details of the romance. But she admits the constant touring wasn't the worst ct.
It was healthy for the longevity of our relationship.
What was increasingly difficult, Craig writes, was defending the relationship to friends and family who could never grasp why a smart, sensible girl would sink so much time, energy and money into a losing investment. To them I was supporting a dependent and jeopardizing my future. When Jack became successful-i.
The dating world for musicians is often a complex one. I'll be writing this article based on my personal experience as a single male musician. I'm also based in New York City, which makes.
But inshe got a surprise. Lawrence purchased a home in East Nashville in his name only. The lawsuit says he paid for it with "partnership money"; Craig insists there was a verbal agreement to reimburse her for her years of loyal support.
Then he ended the relationship and asked her to leave. She refused, so he left.
Lawrence sued to take possession of the property and retrieve his personal belongings-some vinyl records, a couple of guitars and six suits, among other items. She filed a counter-claim for breach of contract. Craig still resides in the home, shocked by a love gone ugly. The lawsuits have been indefinitely continued, and no court date has been set.
I am astonished, actually, and I consider what he did to be abuse. Love on a Budget Most musicians will never see the payoff Lawrence enjoyed. Chances are they'll never rise beyond the person-capacity club. So once it's clear success isn't around the corner, many women are off like a prom dress.
Take Sarah, a year-old public service worker. She's had two long-term relationships with dudes in bands-even marrying one for a brief swirl.
Neither romance kept the wolf from the door. When your partner's income amounts to a few hundred bucks a gig-and that's for a reasonably successful band-it's not surprising. But most musicians keep overhead low and working obligations minimal to free time to play.
Niki Tyree, a year-old who's worked at labels, radio stations and promotion companies, understands the dilemma. She's dated musicians nearly exclusively since age Even if they could, musicians find living close to the bone intensely romantic.
There's a common belief that you have to stay hungry to make good art, which might explain why so many talented bands produce head-scratchingly bad records the second they get a label deal.
The dating world for musicians is often a complex one.
It's not just the fact that they don't have solid income, but that they don't even seem to think that they need to have solid income. They could probably pay their bills if they just didn't spend so much money on booze out at bars.
But You're With the Band It's worth noting that the very things that draw you to someone will also drive you insane. With musicians, there is a compelling minus for every plus.
It is exciting to be with someone creative, but that creativity tends to need lots of isolated time to create. It's comforting to be with someone sensitive, but that sensitivity may mean a fragile ego requiring constant massage. It's inspiring to be with someone so passionate and driven, but it often leaves them ambivalent to everything else.
The highs-and oh so many lows-of dating a musician
He always has all these hot girls after him, he can't go on dates with you during normal hours, and you can only basically hook up after practice or shows.
Who would want that? Turns out, many perfectly smart, interesting women want that, because the perks tend to outweigh those pitfalls-at least while times are good. Ask these same women what draws them to musicians, and they gush with wistful-eyed lust over attributes that range from the sweet to mundane.
And then to see him onstage acting all crazy and singing loudly and making jokes, it was just a whole different side of him. Tyree got high watching others enjoy the music her man made. I'm attracted to guys who are in touch with their emotions. They know how to write something that makes you angry or sad or sexy or dirty. Yarbrough enjoyed the way that passion heightened the sexual tension.
Dating touring musician
I got off a little bit at seeing other girls throw themselves at my boyfriend and know he was coming home with me. And those late night hours mean unstructured days free to run errands. I've always had my car taken care of during the day by guys in bands. And what they don't make in dollars they are granted in access.
The more successful the band, the higher the value of that guest list spot, as Kelli Craig found out. Over the years I traded passes for cartons of cigarettes, housewares, manicures, vitamins, you name it. I had trades going on all over the U. It was entertaining to me, a fun game. Hurry Up and Wait But that's when times are good. Typically, a musician's world rarely gets started before noon.
It is a culture of late nights, smoky bars, studios, the constant temptation of drugs, alcohol and other women-and a lot of waiting. Waiting to load in. Waiting to sound check. Waiting to play. Waiting to load out.
Story from Music.
For the past few years, Musto has been locked into the rigorous, nomadic lifestyle of a full-time musician. The combination of a draining schedule and a competitive, demanding career means one thing: Musto - along with many other working musicians - have unusual dating lives that come with specific challenges and quirks. In A Star is Bornout October 5, we saw some of those specific quirks play out to the swelling sounds of a song the two musicians in love Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga created.
Did A Star is Born get it right? Our conversation includes Lzzy Halethe lead-singer and co-founder of the hard rock band Halestorm; Cecilya pop-soul singer based in Washington, D.
On flings:. But I would swipe left on guys who put guitars on their picture. Guitar was my whole day and most of my life. I was interested in talking to them about plastic or aerodynamics.
The flings have an unspoken expiration date. It's not realistic right now to have some serious commitment. On the perils of dating other musicians:.
I felt unappreciated. It was impossible not to be jealous. I was always wondering if he had girls in lots of cities. You're living a house where you have every opportunity to compare yourself. I really envied his business acumen. He envied my talent. It got messy, at times. It got ugly.
Apr 02, "There were many perks that came along with dating a musician in a well-known band, but one perk that will be sorely missed is the liberal use of the guest list," writes Craig. Sex, Drugs, & Nights Alone: Inside The Dating Lives Of Touring Musicians Elena Nicolaou Alissa Musto, a year-old folk singer from Boston, doesn't use Tinder when she's cbeebies-games.com: Elena Nicolaou. Jun 20, Guys who make music let's not deny it - there's something about them. Even an ardent cynic will find the sight of a guy strumming away, all Author: Leila Guddoy.
To make it work, two musicians have to be equally yoked in skill, communication, and motivation. On the joys of dating other musicians:. We stay up till 4 am and geek out over a record.
Touring isn't as glamorous as it may seem. Yes, it's a lot of fun and a lot of games, but it's not all fun and games, all of the time. It's a professional endeavor, and if you put on a good show, you'll sell more merch, turn more heads, make more fans, and get invited on bigger tours. May 08, Here are 10 tips, brought to you by local artists, to help you acclimate to the harsh realities of dating a musician. Remember they're an artist, so they might be on - or embrace - Author: Nicki Escudero. Mar 04, 15 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Musician. most of my band mates and musician friends basically live on a stack of pizza boxes, whisky, and Muscle Milk. 19 Things You Should Know Occupation: Sex & Relationships Editor.
From 8 am to 1 am everyday. Though things that that would qualify as competition have happened in my relationship.